Am I Lazy?

I didn't use to be lazy. I'm not sure I am now---just depressed, the height of self centeredness.

Perhaps depression makes one lazy because to do anything seems meaningless. So, is life supposed to be meaningful? Heck YA! Says Napoleon. Maybe I should just get a dance lesson video.

I liked it when the kids were small. I had plenty of motivation as my life was full of "have tos" Now I have more choices, which I don't seem to be handling well. Being a good mother is honored by all. Maybe it's that I haven't found something acceptable enough to spend my energy. I'd like to think that I don't care what others think. If that's the case, then maybe I haven't found something to do that is acceptable to me.

I should clean the house but I don't care if my house is spotless anymore. This house is so big that I could spend the rest of my days cleaning and maintaining it. Meaningful?...humph... My attitude is Gloria Steinem's fault. It's gotta be, my mother's idea of a great time is cleaning-out cupboards on a saturday morning.

I know my kids, regardless of age still need mothering. Perhaps depression is thinking that things that are truly meaningful are meaningless.